Can I Forget?
by A for Antechinus
Summary: "The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone." Harriet Beecher Stowe   I had written this for a Sierra-Oscar challange a few years ago, and forgotten it. Enjoy.


"_The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone_." Harriet Beecher Stowe

Diane surveyed the scene in front of her she could see Smithy, Mel, Gina Gold, Jack among other officers she had known in her career. It was a beautiful spring day, the tree's around the church blossoming, the light soft, making the uniforms look whiter than they really were. Looking towards the door of the church she saw Doug and the children and shook her head as a tear slipped down her face, 43 was too young to die. She slowly made her way in, and moved to the back of the church, but Smithy on seeing her pulled her up to the front with the rest of the other officers.

A man, stood and everyone else sat down.

"Nikki Elsa Wright was a wonderful woman. She was a dutiful wife and mother who loved her kids and her husband more than anything in the world. She also loved and was exceptionally good at her job. When she became a Police Officer 15 years ago, I remember her coming home and telling us, she was so excited; she finally had the opportunity to help people and get paid for it. This helpful attitude allowed her to rise to sergeant and move to Sun Hill where she met many wonderful people. Whenever I saw her she was always happy with her job. Sis, we will miss you dearly, everyone that knew you, will miss you." With this the man sat down, tears cascading down his face.

A tearful farewell by Nikki's eldest daughter who had just turned 17 followed, and then there was a hymn and a song. After that, Smithy, Jack, and a few other colleagues from Barton Street carried out the coffin to the waiting hearse, their steps heavy with sadness. It was always hard to lose a fellow member.

The parade of Police Cars followed the hearse into the cemetery. Diane was in a car with Mel, and Gina Gold and another officer she didn't know, she fiddled her fake diamond earrings, she wanted this day over, but then the reality would set in, she wasn't sure what she really wanted at this moment. The only thing she knew was that she didn't want to be here. Once they had arrived and with their blue lights flashing and headlights left on as a sign of respect they all slowly got out of their cars and made their way over to the empty grave spot.

What followed was the hardest part for Diane, seeing the coffin being put down into the ground and covered with the first bits of soil. It was this moment when it really hit home, she had known for the last week that Nikki had passed away, but this, this was the last shred of hope lost, Nikki was never coming back. The mourners quickly moved away as the dirt was put down, going to Doug's house to give their condolences.

"Will I see you at the house?" Smithy asked quietly, walking up to Diane

"I just need to take a few minutes, before I follow." Diane answered knuckling away the tears.

"Right, see you there" Smithy said in fake happiness.

A moment later, the last of the people had gone and she was the only one that remained.

It was at this stage, the tears that had been threatening to overcome her finally broke through her defences and she started to sob uncontrollably. The tears that she had held back for the last week since that fateful afternoon fell onto her and onto the now raised bit of earth. Memories of Nikki, and all the times that she nearly told her, that she loved her flooding through her brain. Slowly the tears eased, and she was able to stop herself crying, she put words out there, into the open for once and for all.

"Nik, I miss you so much, more than you would ever know. She took a deep breath "What I am going to say, I should have said a long time ago, I love you Nikki. I really do." At this she stopped, it was no use now, Nikki was dead and was not coming back, but could she really say goodbye forever and give up hope. Her mind said no, she couldn't.

Diane moved and somehow made it to Doug's house. This place that she had so often dreamed of coming to was one place that she now would never visit again.

She stayed for an hour, perhaps a tad longer, she wasn't really sure. She spoke to other people, commenting on how sad it was, and accepting the offer of food, lasagna she thought it was, not that she could remember eating it, It was too sad a day. The need to be by herself was overbearing on her, as soon as it was polite to, she left the house, unseen by anyone.

Somehow she found her way back to the cemetery and quickly found Nikki's headstone.

_1967 - 2010_

_Nikki Elsa Wright_

_Loving wife to Doug Wright_

_Loving mother to Andrew,_

_William, Chelsea and Polly._

_Killed in the line of duty._

_She will be missed._

_R.I.P_

She wasn't sure how long she stood staring at the headstone, but soon the tears fell again, Diane wasn't sure if they would ever stop, if this pain throughout her chest would ever go away. She had been famous for being the Ice Queen and for the one lady that she truly loved, she still was.

Now it was too late, Nikki would never know that she was the love of Diane's life. It was this that tore at Diane's heart and made her feel like her heart was splintering into more pieces then was allowed. The women she loved never knew that simple truth that someone else loved her. Diane recalled a quote that a friend had once said to her after she had been knocked back when asking someone out "_The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone". _She smiled sadly and thought how true that was.


End file.
